Can Facebook and Social Media Lead to Divorce?

The power social media has to connect people is undeniable. Social media makes it quick and easy to reconnect with an old friend or classmate. However, social media is playing an increasing role in causing marital discord and even leading to divorce. Recently, National Public Radio had an interesting piece on the power of social media to drive couples apart.

Social media is driving married couples apart in two key ways. Social media increases the opportunity for infidelity, and it serves to reduce a person’s inhibitions when it comes to approaching another person.

Opportunity:

Opportunity is a major predictor of infidelity. The more opportunity a person has to cheat, the more likely he or she is to cheat. Social media sites like Facebook and Myspace increase opportunity tremendously. While finding someone used to take digging through a phone book, and often an out of town directory, it now takes only minutes, if not seconds, to do a quick search to find an old lover or a new crush.

Reduced Inhibitions:

In the past, if you found a person interesting and wanted to say hello, you would have to either approach the person in person, or make a phone call. Tara Fritsch, a marriage therapist, was interviewed for the NPR story. She explained how social media reduces inhibitions quite well. She said, “Twenty years ago, if you really thought a co-worker was interesting, and later on that evening you thought of them and wanted to say, ‘Hey, how you doing?’ Then you would have to ask yourself, ‘Is it really appropriate to call them at home? What if their spouse answers? What am I thinking about?'”

Social media erodes those mental barriers. Sending a Facebook message, a text or an e-mail can feel quite innocent. But, as we are finding out, things can escalate quite quickly. People who do not intend to have an affair at first can quickly find themselves in one. Research has shown that people communicating in an online environment can often fall for each other within a week. According to Bob Rosenwein of Lehigh University, “When you don’t have nonverbal communication, the likelihood of being able to disclose at a deeper level is greater, because there’s less inhibition. So it’s going to feel like a more intimate relationship.”

Preventing Social Media From Leading to Divorce or Separation:

The NPR story included some great tips from therapists for keeping marriages free from Facebook interference including:

  • Share an account or share passwords.
  • Trust your instincts; if you feel like you are writing something you would not want your spouse to read, you may be crossing a line.
  • If an ex messages or makes a “friend request”, talk it over with your spouse on if you should reply, and how it would make your spouse feel.

Source: National Public Radio: Can Social Media Break Up A Marriage?; Jennifer Ludden, 11/2/2010

Real Estate Slump Presents Divorce Complications

When a married couple divorces, the property they own must be divided between the two spouses. Who gets the marital home has traditionally been one of the most contested property division issues in a divorce. Traditionally, the value of a home increases over time and therefore the home would have a large amount of equity that had been built up over the course of the marriage.

However, the economic downturn has had a profound impact on family law. Once robust retirement accounts are worth a fraction of their past value and many spouses have been laid off. Each change in the economy changes how couples need to structure divorce settlements, but the collapse of the real estate market has been an especially difficult issue.

The real-estate bubble has burst and this has changed the way many divorcing couples view their marital homes. With real estate inventory piling up on the market, there is no guarantee that a home would sell in a timely fashion or at a profit. Many homes are worth less than the amount owed on the mortgage and there is no guarantee that a short sale will be successful.

With many homes now seen as a liability instead of an asset, property division is becoming a more complex issue. Divorces that would have been uncontested divorces in the past are now turning into contested divorces. If you are considering or going through a divorce in these difficult economic times, it is important to consult with experienced family law attorney who takes a detailed approach regarding marital property division.

Source: The Star-Ledger, “Today’s real estate market calls for dire divorce decisions,” Sarah Portlock, 12/5/2010

Is Reading Your Spouse’s E-Mail a Felony?

In the past, we have written about the impact that social media and E-mail are having in family law cases. It is now very common for divorce cases to involve some evidence obtained from e-mail, Facebook or other internet services. E-mail evidence was recently used in a Michigan divorce, but now the man who obtained that E-mail evidence is facing criminal charges for doing so.

Leon Walker suspected his wife was carrying on an affair. His wife was then on her third marriage and he suspected she was involved with her second husband. Knowing that her second husband had been arrested for domestic violence in the past, and suspecting his wife was taking their 3-year-old daughter along on liaisons with her second husband, Mr. Walker logged into his wife’s Gmail account using the laptop they shared.

His wife found out he accessed her e-mail account when messages between her and her second husband appeared as evidence of infidelity in their divorce, which was finalized earlier this month. His wife and prosecutors believe that Mr. Walker, a computer technician, illegally hacked into her e-mail account. Leon Walker contends he accessed her e-mail account with her permission before, and that she kept the password in a notebook next to the computer they shared.

Prosecutors are now charging Leon Walker for obtaining the e-mail evidence of infidelity for use in his divorce case. They are charging him with a felony for violating a computer misuse statute that is generally reserved for charging identity thieves and people who hack into business computer systems. It is very rare for this sort of statute to be used to charge an individual for reading his or her spouse’s e-mail.

Sources:

ABC News, “Husband in Hot Water: Man Faces Five Years in Prison for Snooping Through Wife’s E-Mails,” Chris Bury and Bret Hovell, 12/28/2010

Chicago Tribune, “Man to fight charges he hacked into wife’s e-mails,” 12/30/2010

Nebraska Bill Would Let Divorce Judge Require Marriage Counseling

According to statistics from the Wisconsin Department of Health Services Division of Public Health, the divorce rate in Wisconsin in 2009 was 2.9 percent. That was lower than the national rate of 3.4 percent, but means that 16,705 marriages ended in the state that year. While most agree that some marriages are too strained or abusive to save, some people connect the rise in divorce in the U.S. with social problems. Some politicians seek to make it more difficult for people to get divorced, on the theory that the public benefits from more couples staying together.

A legislator in Nebraska is one such politician. According to an article in the Omaha World-Herald, State Senator Tony Fulton is sponsoring a bill that would give judges the power to require divorcing couples with children to go to marriage counseling before granting them a divorce. The bill would also authorize judges to take any other actions the judge believes to be in the best interests of the couple and their children. The article does not go into detail about what those “other actions” might include.

Sen. Fulton said that he believes that discouraging divorce benefits society and the individuals in the marriage. High rates of divorce and broken families in Omaha have led to increased violence in that city, he said.

The bill would also give judges the power to limit the divorce proceedings to six months, and require counseling for childless couples if one of the spouses says he or she still wants to salvage the marriage.

The World-Herald article quotes a family law attorney in Lincoln who disagreed with the bill. Couples in troubled marriages already make an effort to save their marriages, she said, and people should be as free to end their marriages as they are to start them.

Source: Omaha World-Herald, “Divorce counseling bill introduced,” John Schreier, January 13, 2011

Is there an Oscar winner curse that causes divorce?

The 83rd Academy Awards are just a few short weeks away and many Oscar hopefuls are waiting with great anticipation to learn if they will forever be known as an “Academy Award winner” or simply as a “nominee.” However, some believe winning an Oscar may bring bad news for the winner.

There has been a fair amount of anecdotal evidence of an Oscar winner curse, especially for winners of the Best Actress award. Aside from winning the Academy Award for Best Actress, what do Joan Crawford, Bette Davis, Halle Berry, Hilary Swank, Sandra Bullock and Kate Winslet have in common? Their marriages all ended in divorce shortly after the won the award.

A recent study by the University of Toronto’s Rotman School of Management and Carnegie Mellon University studied this phenomenon and statistically confirmed the anecdotal evidence. They found that Best Actress winners had a 63 percent chance of their marriages ending sooner than Best Actress nominees who did not win.

The study looked at the 751 nominees in the Best Actress and Best Actor categories between 1936 and 2010. They found the median marriage of a Best Actress winner lasted only 4.30 years after winning the Oscar. This figure was significantly lower than the 9.51-year marriage duration for nominees who did not win. In contrast, there was no significant difference for Best Actor winners at 11.97 years and Best Actor nominees at 12.66 years.

While the likelihood of there being an Oscar winner curse is very low, the researchers did reach an interesting conclusion. They believe the divorce rate for Best Actress winners is caused by sudden success taking a toll on the longevity of marriage.

Source: Rotman School of Management, University of Toronto, “The Oscar Curse? Study Says that Oscar Win for Best Actress Increases the Risk of Divorce,” 1/28/2011

Troy Aikman and wife announce separation

Sunday, Troy Aikman did an excellent job calling the Green Bay Packers victory in the Super Bowl on national television. He did such a great job calling one of the greatest Super Bowls ever, viewers may never have guessed that he and his wife had separated just weeks before the game.

On January 25, the NFL hall of fame quarterback confirmed that he and his wife have separated. This separation marks the end of a 10-year marriage between the former Dallas Cowboys star and his wife, Rhonda.

Aikman confirmed the separation in an interview with the Dallas Morning News, where he emphasized that it has been a very difficult decision and that he respectfully asks for privacy at this time. He also stated that he and his wife are still deeply committed to their children – they have two daughters together as well as another daughter from Rhonda’s previous marriage.

Aikman and Rhonda Worthey were married on April 8, 2000 in Plano, Texas. While the family had been residing in Highland Park, Texas, property records indicate that Rhonda purchased a five-bedroom estate in Preston Hollow in November, which may signify that the couple had been having problems for some time. In order to keep the details of their divorce confidential, Aikman or Rhonda may ask the court to seal the file or issue a confidentiality order.

During Aikman’s football career, he was considered by Texas Monthly to be “the most eligible bachelor” in the NFL since Joe Namath. He and Rhonda met while she was working as a Dallas Cowboys publicity employee and he was in his final season as an NFL quarterback. Aikman has said he does not necessarily enjoy the life of a bachelor and that he would “rather be married with four kids.”

Source: Yahoo Sports, “Aikman confirms split with wife of 10 years,” Chris Chase, 1/26/2011

Recession linked to marital hardships, says UVA study

Many American families are dealing with the worst economic circumstances in their lifetimes. Our experience as family law attorneys has taught us that tough financial times can create stress in a marriage, and financial stress can both magnify existing problems and create new problems in a marriage. A recent scientific study seems to confirm this phenomenon.

According to the study recently conducted by the University of Virginia, the ongoing recession in the Unites States has created significant strains on marriages, especially the marriages of individuals and couples who do not have college degrees. The Survey of Marital Generosity, a component of the UVA Marriage Project, indicated that 29 percent of couples experienced stress on their marriages resulting from financial difficulties.

In addition, approximately 33 percent of the couples that responded to the survey said that the economic downturn caused them to resolve to save their marriages. About 52 percent of this group said their marriage was “very happy,” while 25 percent did not think that the recession was a reason for the strengthening marriages.

Nearly 1,200 Americans between the ages of 18 and 45 were surveyed as part of the UVA Marriage Project. Couples in which neither partner had a college degree were among the most likely to experience economic hardships. Over a third of the participants claimed that they frequently worried about paying their next set of bills, while 12 percent said that they had either had their homes foreclosed or experienced significant struggles in paying their mortgage bills.

Source: The Washington Post, “Study shows recession has weighed heavily on American marriages,” Annys Shin, 2/7/2011

Researchers study the impact divorce has on quality of life

As divorce is becoming more common, the effects it can have on a person’s quality of life are becoming better understood. According to a recent study performed by the National Council of Family Relations, over half of all marriages end in divorce. That same study also found that there were 2 million divorces in 2009 across the United States.

The study also showed that the probability of a divorce increases as a marriage gets longer, as well as after a previous divorce. Only 20 percent of marriages fail within the first five years when both parties have not been previously married. This figure increases to 33 percent after 10 years. Statistics are far more pronounced for people on their third marriage. These types of marriages have a 73 percent divorce rate.

According to another study performed by Marie Claire magazine, the quality of life for a woman who has recently gone through a divorce drops by 45 percent. The study asserts that women take more damage during a divorce than their male counterparts, due to the challenges of managing a new life with less money, additional childcare responsibilities and the difficulty of returning to dating.

Yet another study performed by the Institute of Social and Behavioral Research at Iowa State University indicated that divorce might have long-term effects on a woman’s health. Physical illnesses were found in 37% more divorced women a decade after the divorce than in married women. In addition, lingering mental illnesses may occur immediately following the divorce. Iowa State researchers pointed to relatively meager job opportunities and social isolation as two of the primary reasons for long-term mental and physical illnesses.

Fortunately, many marriage experts believe that most women make major improvements only 10 weeks after a divorce, despite the immediate financial and emotional hardships. There is no doubt that divorce can be a very stressful experience. Careful planning and preparation are required to minimize the potential adverse effects of a divorce. Fortunately, people going through divorce do not have to go through the process alone. Experienced divorce attorneys are available to help.

Source: ABC News, “Women Take Biggest Hit in Divorce, Say Experts,” Susan Donaldson James, 2/4/2011

Study reveals fighting style, not fighting itself, may lead to divorce

Many people assume that screaming, throwing things and other explosive fighting styles are most likely to lead to divorce. A study recently conducted by the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor indicates that there are other fighting styles that are far more likely to lead to divorce.

The study, which was conducted over the course of 16 years, followed 373 couples and started with each couple’s first year of marriage in order to determine how various fighting styles influenced the chance of divorce. In addition, the study found crucial differences in the fighting styles of men and women.

According to the study, explosive fights with screaming and tossed objects are actually less likely to lead to eventual divorce than fights in which one partner attempts to calmly analyze the situation and the other partner quickly withdraws. This fighting pattern is dangerous, says the study, because the withdrawal signifies a lack of interest or investment in the marriage to the more analytical partner.

The lowest divorce rates were found in those couples that both used an analytical, objective attitude during fights. Further, the study showed that men typically use more constructive methods during fights as compared to women. However, women were found to use increasingly constructive methods over the course of a marriage, while men’s fighting styles largely remained the same throughout.

Interestingly, the study also found that approximately 21% of wives and 29% of husbands reported a total absence of fighting during the first year of marriage. However, 46 percent of these couples had divorced by the 16th year of the study and fighting in the first year did not affect the likelihood of divorce.

Source: Kansas City Star, “Study: It’s your fight style, not the fight, that may lead to divorce,” Amber DiNenna, 1/28/2011

Marital stress often peaks after three years

According to a recent British study, couples reach peak stress levels in their relationship after three years.

The study was commissioned by Warner Brothers in an effort to promote the comedy “Hall Pass” that was recently released in UK movie theaters. It surveyed approximately 2,000 adults in monogamous relationships. Despite the survey’s purpose to drum up publicity for a film, it has some pertinent findings for married people who are contemplating divorce.

Many of the adults who participated in the study felt that their relationships became more stressful once they had been with their partner for three years. The stress associated with these three-year relationships has allegedly led to an increase in “solo holidays” among survey respondents. These holidays are considered to be time off that one partner gives to another, allowing them to take a vacation without their partner and potentially keep the romance alive in their relationship.

Judi James, who supervised the survey, stated that longer work hours and financial troubles were taking their tolls on those involved in long-term relationships. James believes that these stresses are the reason behind the solo holiday trend.

The study suggests that romance is replaced by everyday activities as our relationships progress. Over 65 percent of those surveyed stated that small irritations during the beginning of a relationship often become serious annoyances after three years in a relationship. Examples cited by the study range from minor annoyances to some of the most common causes of divorce. Examples ranged from leaving toenail clippings on the bathroom floor and weight gain to excessive drinking and irresponsible money management.

Source: Reuters, “The 7-year itch is now the 3-year glitch,” 3/9/2011