Making co-parenting work

Many Wisconsin parents of young children are either divorced or otherwise separated from each other, but they must still work together in order to raise the children they share. There are good reasons to try to make co-parenting work, as studies have clearly shown children fare better when they grow up in shared-parenting custodial arrangements.

Co-parenting can be difficult and issues are bound to arise from time to time. When a parent is working with the other parent to raise the child, there are certain approaches they can take to make co-parenting more successful.

The first step for a parent is to look at the other parent as a partner in raising their child. They may want to set boundaries regarding conversational topics, reserving conversations only for their child and what their child needs rather than delving into past wrongs or hurts. Solutions-focused conversations can be helpful. In these, the parent approaches the other with a number of proposed solutions for problems that have occurred. Avoiding arguments is also smart. In some cases, one parent will try to get the other involved in an argument. Refusing to do so can help to smooth things over in the long run. Not giving up on co-parenting is important because it is better for the child’s interests.

Many parenting plans call for different types of shared parenting arrangements. While the child may live primarily with one parent and have visitation with the other, parents often share legal custody of the child. Legal custody involves making major decisions about the child and can include decisions about education, health, medication and religion. Parents who approach legal decision-making and parenting as partners working together may enjoy better relationships with each other and with their child. Children generally love both of their parents and are better adjusted if they see them working together.

Prolonged divorce action can negatively affect children

Although some Wisconsin couples recognize the potential for divorce at the outset of their marriages, many imagine that their relationships will last indefinitely. Difficulties can lead to the consideration of filing for divorce, but many couples will still endeavor to reconcile their differences. Even if the action begins, some will continue to try to work things out, prolonging the action in hopes of resolving their differences. However, it is important to be aware of the impact of such activity on one’s children.

As divorce action begins, a parent’s move out of the home may signal a serious change in life. The transition can be more painful if the matter carries on for an extended period of time. A parent might deal with emotional conflict over the divorce based on advice from friends and family or because of their belief system. Some deal with guilt over the decision and the potential consequences for the family. However, the uncertainty that is created because of a delay in concluding the matter could cause a child to remain unfocused, worried and insecure.

In a particularly stressful parental relationship, it is important to transition into a co-parenting role that will promote a sense of love and security for the children. This could require some counseling to address the emotional challenges related to the deterioration of the marriage. Sound decisions are important for providing the children with stability, and a comprehensive parenting plan can provide a framework for addressing any disputes or concerns.

In some cases, one parent might find the need to request changes in a parenting plan. If a parent decides to relocate because of a new marriage or job change, for example, it may be necessary to seek a modification. However, minor changes to holiday schedules or vacation visitation periods might be addressed in the initial plan as negotiated by their respective attorneys.

Vacations and parenting plans after divorce

When Wisconsin schools let out for the summer, people will be thinking about trips to the lake and other excursions. For divorced parents, vacation planning means informing the other parent. A parenting plan developed during the divorce process should provide clear terms intended to limit conflicts.

A vacation presents an excellent opportunity for parents to maintain a relationship with their children. Many parenting plans have a provision requiring that at least 60 days’ notice be given for a proposed trip. This allows the other parent to make vacation plans that do not overlap and create a dispute about who gets the children. By providing sufficient notice and adopting a reasonable attitude, both parents can demonstrate for their children a willingness to cooperate. This accommodating approach could aid children in accepting the divorce and in forming positive relationships with both parents.

If a parent is initiating a divorce when children are still very young, the need to think about the school years and summer vacation remains necessary. The parenting plan should include language about how to share custody during school breaks. As the children get older, their wants and needs will change, and thus it is important that the plan allows flexibility in this regard

Parents who are facing the end of their marriage are often concerned about how their relationship with their children will be affected. Through the negotiation of a comprehensive plan, a family law attorney can help a divorcing parent to ensure that such relationship will remain sound and intact.

Fathers’ rights after divorce

Many divorced parents in Wisconsin actively try to work together to ensure the well-being of their children. They understand the importance of children having positive relationships with both parents. This usually goes beyond honoring visitation agreements. It also requires both parents to not undermine each other’s parental authority as well as a willingness to be flexible about how much time a child spends with each of them.

In some cases, however, parents without physical custody may begin to feel left out of their child’s life. In most divorces, the father ends up being the non-custodial parent, and some dads may feel as if their relationship is being “managed” by the children’s mother. In some cases, this sort of issue can be easily resolved with frank and open communication between the parents.

Unfortunately, there are instances in which the mother may not be receptive to such feedback. She may seek to further restrict communications between the child and the father. In addition, the mother may be unreasonable about commonplace issues such as changing visitation schedules or even allowing the noncustodial parent to be involved with decisions regarding the child’s education and health care despite the fact that there is joint legal custody.

Child custody disputes can be damaging to all involved. Family law attorneys will tell their clients that the most important consideration is the best interests of the child, yet many parents think that these disputes are more like battles, with a winner and a loser. In these types of situations, the alternative of mediation may be a better way to seek a resolution than protracted litigation.