Tag Archive for: parenting styles

Concerned that your divorce could negatively affect your children’s social skills?

If you have children and are considering divorce, you have probably heard a lot of claims that children of divorced parents don’t perform as well in school, have a greater chance of getting divorced themselves, or are otherwise negatively affected by their parents’ decision to end their marriage.

The truth is, life is more complex than social science research. While statistics may show trends, they can’t predict what will happen to individuals. What is useful about such research is that it can give us information about what risks our children may face so that we can take action.

That being said, the results of a recent University of Wisconsin at Madison study suggest that children of divorce are more likely to have lower scores in mathematics and may fall behind in social skills, as well. And, the researchers found, children are most likely to be negatively affected once divorce proceedings are underway.

According to the study, those children who appeared to be affected began to experience developmental challenges after their parents initiated the divorce, and any learning challenges they experienced continued after the divorce was over. This is interesting information because it had been previously assumed that the greatest negative impact on children came from the turmoil in their parents’ relationships prior to the decision to divorce.

Published in the American Sociological Review, the study followed the development of over 3,500 children ranging in age from kindergarten to fifth grade. They were followed at various times before, during and after their parents’ divorces.

The study suggests that math skills are the most likely to suffer, perhaps because math requires a progressive understanding of concepts and problem-solving over time. The suggestion is that conflict experienced by children during a divorce has an impact on the understanding and conceptualization students need to progress in math. The study also suggests that, without intervention, these kids are unlikely to simply catch up as their lives stabilize.

Contributing factors that affect children of divorce include stress arising from dealing with angry or depressed parents, interruptions in the normal routine and living arrangements, and reductions in family income.

For couples with children, going through a divorce involves legal questions, but it also involves relationship issues for the divorcing parents and the children. Good divorce planning involves working with your divorcing spouse on how to resolve problems and successfully co-parent your children as you move into a new phase of your lives.

Source: Reuters Life! “Children of divorce score worse in math, social skills,” Bernd Debusmann Jr., June 2, 2011

Nurturing parents help children cope with divorce

Many recent studies have shown that children of divorce are at an increased risk for mental health problems, as well as having educational and social difficulties. However, other studies have estimated that between 70 and 75 percent of children with divorced parents do not have any significant problems. Why would so many children avoid the problems that other children of divorce have experienced? This question lead to a recent study that evaluated parenting styles of divorced parents.

The study conducted by scientists at the Prevention Research Center at Arizona State University suggests that having caring, nurturing parents is more important to a child’s well-being than having married parents.

The study followed a group of 240 mothers who had custody of 10-year-old children for a period of six years. The mothers and their children took part in a divorce intervention program, meeting two hours per week for 11 weeks. This program focused on teaching the mothers disciplinary skills and methods for improving their overall relationships with their children.

Six years later, the scientists contacted the mothers to see how the children were coping. They learned that the children whose mothers who were both nurturing and firm disciplinarians were the most well adjusted. Children with warm, but firm, mothers experienced fewer symptoms of depression and generally had higher self-esteem. Children were also less likely to experiment with alcohol and other drugs when they had a parent that provided consistent discipline.

This research demonstrates that well-adjusted children are the result of consistent, loving parents, and divorced parents are very capable of providing their children with the nurturing environment they need.

Source: Huffington Post, “Can Parents Prevent their Children from Having Problems Following Divorce?,” Robert Hughes, Jr., 2/16/2011

‘Grand families’ face unique legal issues

Society’s view of the “traditional” family — that is, father, mother, children — is of course a hot topic these days in family law, especially in wake of more and more states legalizing same-sex marriages. But another type of nontraditional family is often overlooked: the so-called grand family.

More and more children these days are being raised by their grandparents; in fact, this is the fastest-growing type of family in the United States. In Wisconsin, more than 70,000 children live in homes where the primary person in charge of the child’s well-being is one or both of the grandparents.

The reasons behind the increase of grand families are many and include everything from parental incarceration, drug abuse and divorce. Often, an endangered child’s biological grandparents will step in and adopt the child in lieu of getting protective services involved or dealing with a foster family. Besides the usual day-to-day challenges of parenting, grandparents may also face unexpected legal issues when it comes to their status as caregivers, which can also affect their grandchildren.

The law depends on family classification more than most people would assume. Grandparents who find themselves raising their grandchildren face a potential storm of legal issues. Family attorneys can work to prevent these legal problems from happening in the first place. For families, planning is one of the best ways to protect against future unforeseen circumstances.

For example, grandparents can use family attorneys to ensure that their grandchildren are legally tied to them and that this has occurred through the correct legal channels. Dealing with the challenges of parenthood is stressful enough, but having to worry about what might happen to your child just because the law doesn’t technically recognize your unique family can be staggering. A simple consultation with a family attorney could save hours and hours of emotional and financial headaches later on.

Source: Green Bay Press Gazette, “‘Grand families’ support group starting,” Sept. 27, 2012