Tag Archive for: marital stress

Marital stress often peaks after three years

According to a recent British study, couples reach peak stress levels in their relationship after three years.

The study was commissioned by Warner Brothers in an effort to promote the comedy “Hall Pass” that was recently released in UK movie theaters. It surveyed approximately 2,000 adults in monogamous relationships. Despite the survey’s purpose to drum up publicity for a film, it has some pertinent findings for married people who are contemplating divorce.

Many of the adults who participated in the study felt that their relationships became more stressful once they had been with their partner for three years. The stress associated with these three-year relationships has allegedly led to an increase in “solo holidays” among survey respondents. These holidays are considered to be time off that one partner gives to another, allowing them to take a vacation without their partner and potentially keep the romance alive in their relationship.

Judi James, who supervised the survey, stated that longer work hours and financial troubles were taking their tolls on those involved in long-term relationships. James believes that these stresses are the reason behind the solo holiday trend.

The study suggests that romance is replaced by everyday activities as our relationships progress. Over 65 percent of those surveyed stated that small irritations during the beginning of a relationship often become serious annoyances after three years in a relationship. Examples cited by the study range from minor annoyances to some of the most common causes of divorce. Examples ranged from leaving toenail clippings on the bathroom floor and weight gain to excessive drinking and irresponsible money management.

Source: Reuters, “The 7-year itch is now the 3-year glitch,” 3/9/2011

Concerned that your divorce could negatively affect your children’s social skills?

If you have children and are considering divorce, you have probably heard a lot of claims that children of divorced parents don’t perform as well in school, have a greater chance of getting divorced themselves, or are otherwise negatively affected by their parents’ decision to end their marriage.

The truth is, life is more complex than social science research. While statistics may show trends, they can’t predict what will happen to individuals. What is useful about such research is that it can give us information about what risks our children may face so that we can take action.

That being said, the results of a recent University of Wisconsin at Madison study suggest that children of divorce are more likely to have lower scores in mathematics and may fall behind in social skills, as well. And, the researchers found, children are most likely to be negatively affected once divorce proceedings are underway.

According to the study, those children who appeared to be affected began to experience developmental challenges after their parents initiated the divorce, and any learning challenges they experienced continued after the divorce was over. This is interesting information because it had been previously assumed that the greatest negative impact on children came from the turmoil in their parents’ relationships prior to the decision to divorce.

Published in the American Sociological Review, the study followed the development of over 3,500 children ranging in age from kindergarten to fifth grade. They were followed at various times before, during and after their parents’ divorces.

The study suggests that math skills are the most likely to suffer, perhaps because math requires a progressive understanding of concepts and problem-solving over time. The suggestion is that conflict experienced by children during a divorce has an impact on the understanding and conceptualization students need to progress in math. The study also suggests that, without intervention, these kids are unlikely to simply catch up as their lives stabilize.

Contributing factors that affect children of divorce include stress arising from dealing with angry or depressed parents, interruptions in the normal routine and living arrangements, and reductions in family income.

For couples with children, going through a divorce involves legal questions, but it also involves relationship issues for the divorcing parents and the children. Good divorce planning involves working with your divorcing spouse on how to resolve problems and successfully co-parent your children as you move into a new phase of your lives.

Source: Reuters Life! “Children of divorce score worse in math, social skills,” Bernd Debusmann Jr., June 2, 2011