Tag Archive for: divorce planning

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Is January really ‘divorce month’?

After the holiday season is over, both attorneys and the courts see an uptick in divorce filings, especially in the first half of January creating the nickname ‘divorce month.’

According to an article published in the New York Times in 2019, there is a significant jump from December to January in Google searches of the topic of divorce as well as attorneys doing more filings and taking on new clients.

Two factors may play a role in this yearly trend. One factor includes not wanting to ruin the holidays for children and other family members.

Divorce also rises after the holidays because of the idea of starting the year fresh.

“The holidays are over, and I’m not going into this year as miserable as I was last year.” Vicky Townsend, co-founder and chief executive of the National Association of Divorce Professionals, said in the New York Times article.

Although filings may see a jump from December to January, it doesn’t mean that marriages on the rocks are doomed during this time. Divorce filings are often cyclical and caused by many factors, especially this year with the pandemic at play.

“Too much time with family can often trigger someone waking up and realizing, ‘This is not what I want for the rest of my life,’” according to Susan Myres, president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and a divorce lawyer in Houston. “You’ll see an uptick in filings after Valentine’s Day and around August,” when children have had summer off and before school starts.

January may not spell the end of one’s marriage, however if you are thinking about separating, it may be time to give an attorney a call about your potential options.

Attorney Neil Magner has over 15 years of experience serving southeastern Wisconsin in various forms of family law, including divorce and legal separation, post-judgment modifications, child custody and support matters, equitable property division and paternity cases. Call 414-281-4529 to schedule an appointment.

Researchers study the impact divorce has on quality of life

As divorce is becoming more common, the effects it can have on a person’s quality of life are becoming better understood. According to a recent study performed by the National Council of Family Relations, over half of all marriages end in divorce. That same study also found that there were 2 million divorces in 2009 across the United States.

The study also showed that the probability of a divorce increases as a marriage gets longer, as well as after a previous divorce. Only 20 percent of marriages fail within the first five years when both parties have not been previously married. This figure increases to 33 percent after 10 years. Statistics are far more pronounced for people on their third marriage. These types of marriages have a 73 percent divorce rate.

According to another study performed by Marie Claire magazine, the quality of life for a woman who has recently gone through a divorce drops by 45 percent. The study asserts that women take more damage during a divorce than their male counterparts, due to the challenges of managing a new life with less money, additional childcare responsibilities and the difficulty of returning to dating.

Yet another study performed by the Institute of Social and Behavioral Research at Iowa State University indicated that divorce might have long-term effects on a woman’s health. Physical illnesses were found in 37% more divorced women a decade after the divorce than in married women. In addition, lingering mental illnesses may occur immediately following the divorce. Iowa State researchers pointed to relatively meager job opportunities and social isolation as two of the primary reasons for long-term mental and physical illnesses.

Fortunately, many marriage experts believe that most women make major improvements only 10 weeks after a divorce, despite the immediate financial and emotional hardships. There is no doubt that divorce can be a very stressful experience. Careful planning and preparation are required to minimize the potential adverse effects of a divorce. Fortunately, people going through divorce do not have to go through the process alone. Experienced divorce attorneys are available to help.

Source: ABC News, “Women Take Biggest Hit in Divorce, Say Experts,” Susan Donaldson James, 2/4/2011

Concerned that your divorce could negatively affect your children’s social skills?

If you have children and are considering divorce, you have probably heard a lot of claims that children of divorced parents don’t perform as well in school, have a greater chance of getting divorced themselves, or are otherwise negatively affected by their parents’ decision to end their marriage.

The truth is, life is more complex than social science research. While statistics may show trends, they can’t predict what will happen to individuals. What is useful about such research is that it can give us information about what risks our children may face so that we can take action.

That being said, the results of a recent University of Wisconsin at Madison study suggest that children of divorce are more likely to have lower scores in mathematics and may fall behind in social skills, as well. And, the researchers found, children are most likely to be negatively affected once divorce proceedings are underway.

According to the study, those children who appeared to be affected began to experience developmental challenges after their parents initiated the divorce, and any learning challenges they experienced continued after the divorce was over. This is interesting information because it had been previously assumed that the greatest negative impact on children came from the turmoil in their parents’ relationships prior to the decision to divorce.

Published in the American Sociological Review, the study followed the development of over 3,500 children ranging in age from kindergarten to fifth grade. They were followed at various times before, during and after their parents’ divorces.

The study suggests that math skills are the most likely to suffer, perhaps because math requires a progressive understanding of concepts and problem-solving over time. The suggestion is that conflict experienced by children during a divorce has an impact on the understanding and conceptualization students need to progress in math. The study also suggests that, without intervention, these kids are unlikely to simply catch up as their lives stabilize.

Contributing factors that affect children of divorce include stress arising from dealing with angry or depressed parents, interruptions in the normal routine and living arrangements, and reductions in family income.

For couples with children, going through a divorce involves legal questions, but it also involves relationship issues for the divorcing parents and the children. Good divorce planning involves working with your divorcing spouse on how to resolve problems and successfully co-parent your children as you move into a new phase of your lives.

Source: Reuters Life! “Children of divorce score worse in math, social skills,” Bernd Debusmann Jr., June 2, 2011

Winning can lead to losing when it comes to relationships

People feel good when they win because they have prevailed over challenges and, many times, over other people. This may be true for the world in general, but it can spell disaster when the strategy is attempted in a relationship.

According to Jeffrey Rubin, a noted psychotherapist, more divorce cases arise as the result of partners who try to defeat each other when they have disagreements. Trying to best your partner converts them into your opponent. Even though one person may prevail, both individuals lose. At worst, the losing partner may even try to retaliate against the winner often at inappropriate times or in destructive ways.

The signs of a lack of effort in understanding may include talking over your partner and telling them what you want them to hear rather than hearing what they are trying to tell you. A discussion that turns into a debate does not always have a positive outcome.

Standing your ground in an argument can be replaced with efforts to negotiate or to improve the overall relationship. It involves really listening to the other person and trying to understand their point of view rather than becoming defensive. Trying to understand someone’s position may not mean you agree with it, but it does let the other person know that you are taking them and their concerns seriously.

The same can be said for many divorces in Wisconsin. Although divorce can be a highly stressful time and it can be easy to fall into the trap of needing to win at all costs, such a strategy can be harmful to your interests. An experienced divorce attorney can help you chose your battles and develop an effective strategy to reach your goals.

Source: Huffington Post, “Winning in a Relationship is a Losing Strategy,” Jeffrey Rubin, 6/15/2011

Family, friends, religions, recognize new divorce customs

Different cultures and religions around the world are coming up with some interesting ways to help couples seek peace, forgiveness and start a new chapter.

You may have heard of divorce parties with close friends, or maybe a private glass of champagne once the final papers are signed in your divorce lawyer’s office. But what about ending the marriage with as much ceremony as you started it? International customs are changing and growing just as the numbers of divorces are growing.

Here in the U.S. The Unitarian Universalist church has a divorce ceremony they call a “ceremony of hope.” The divorcing couple can apologize and ask one another for forgiveness and blessings in front of friends and family who were also present for the wedding.

In China, it is customary that the divorce papers not be signed in the home, and then the ink and pen used to sign the documents must be thrown away because they may contain bad luck.

In Germany, one bishop has proposed a Mass of Lament where friends and family would gather in church and listed to the couple explain their reasons for divorce.

In a Japanese temple you can write your breakup wishes on a piece of paper and flush them down the toilet. Literally. Their divorce ceremonies also usually involve a buffet meal and a ritualistic smashing of the wedding rings. Japan has actually seen a large increase in divorces after the devastating earthquakes and tsunamis there.

If you live in Wisconsin and are contemplating divorce, it might help if you concentrate on the final goal; the light at the end of the tunnel; your next phase in life. Divorce is always a tough decision to make so let our firm help you with the logistics so you can plan your own Milwaukee divorce celebration party.

Source: Huffington Post, “Divorce Custom: 7 Post-Split Rituals From Around The World,” July 21, 2012

Managing your insurance plans after a divorce

Divorce can bring sweeping changes to a person’s life. After the paperwork is finalized, it can seem overwhelming to adjust to changes in home life or in relationships. But it’s important to remember another change that requires attention immediately after divorce: managing separate insurance plans.

Altering health insurance policies is one of the principal changes that must be made following a separation. Often, both spouses are covered under a single policy. After a divorce, spouses should not simply leave their ex on their policy, as this constitutes insurance fraud and could leave your ex unexpectedly uninsured. Recently divorced spouses can apply for coverage on their spouse’s plan under COBRA, but this is only a temporary measure. For long-term coverage, the divorced spouse will need to purchase their own plan.

Life insurance policies may also require attention. Both spouses are usually covered on a single life insurance policy, which is owned by one of the spouses. Only the owner of the policy can make changes to it, such as naming beneficiaries. This means that after the divorce, the other spouse will usually need to purchase their own policy. Insurance payments can be included in divorce settlements; those concerned about maintaining coverage after the divorce may wish to consider this option.

Divorced spouses must also remember to separate their car insurance policies. If both cars were on the same plan before the separation, both spouses will need to purchase a new policy afterwards. Like life insurance, the cost of car insurance can be included in spousal support agreements.

Some spouses may find that their insurance payments go down after a divorce, as they remove their ex-spouses from their policies. Others may find themselves faced with significant monthly payments. Spouses concerned about making those payments may wish to speak to a lawyer about including them in their spousal support agreement. Most importantly, spouses must reassess each policy they control to ensure that they are receiving the proper amount of coverage.

Source: Reuters, “How to untangle your insurance plans in divorce,” Geoff Williams, Sept. 11, 2012