Tag Archive for: children of divorce

Concerned that your divorce could negatively affect your children’s social skills?

If you have children and are considering divorce, you have probably heard a lot of claims that children of divorced parents don’t perform as well in school, have a greater chance of getting divorced themselves, or are otherwise negatively affected by their parents’ decision to end their marriage.

The truth is, life is more complex than social science research. While statistics may show trends, they can’t predict what will happen to individuals. What is useful about such research is that it can give us information about what risks our children may face so that we can take action.

That being said, the results of a recent University of Wisconsin at Madison study suggest that children of divorce are more likely to have lower scores in mathematics and may fall behind in social skills, as well. And, the researchers found, children are most likely to be negatively affected once divorce proceedings are underway.

According to the study, those children who appeared to be affected began to experience developmental challenges after their parents initiated the divorce, and any learning challenges they experienced continued after the divorce was over. This is interesting information because it had been previously assumed that the greatest negative impact on children came from the turmoil in their parents’ relationships prior to the decision to divorce.

Published in the American Sociological Review, the study followed the development of over 3,500 children ranging in age from kindergarten to fifth grade. They were followed at various times before, during and after their parents’ divorces.

The study suggests that math skills are the most likely to suffer, perhaps because math requires a progressive understanding of concepts and problem-solving over time. The suggestion is that conflict experienced by children during a divorce has an impact on the understanding and conceptualization students need to progress in math. The study also suggests that, without intervention, these kids are unlikely to simply catch up as their lives stabilize.

Contributing factors that affect children of divorce include stress arising from dealing with angry or depressed parents, interruptions in the normal routine and living arrangements, and reductions in family income.

For couples with children, going through a divorce involves legal questions, but it also involves relationship issues for the divorcing parents and the children. Good divorce planning involves working with your divorcing spouse on how to resolve problems and successfully co-parent your children as you move into a new phase of your lives.

Source: Reuters Life! “Children of divorce score worse in math, social skills,” Bernd Debusmann Jr., June 2, 2011

Nurturing parents help children cope with divorce

Many recent studies have shown that children of divorce are at an increased risk for mental health problems, as well as having educational and social difficulties. However, other studies have estimated that between 70 and 75 percent of children with divorced parents do not have any significant problems. Why would so many children avoid the problems that other children of divorce have experienced? This question lead to a recent study that evaluated parenting styles of divorced parents.

The study conducted by scientists at the Prevention Research Center at Arizona State University suggests that having caring, nurturing parents is more important to a child’s well-being than having married parents.

The study followed a group of 240 mothers who had custody of 10-year-old children for a period of six years. The mothers and their children took part in a divorce intervention program, meeting two hours per week for 11 weeks. This program focused on teaching the mothers disciplinary skills and methods for improving their overall relationships with their children.

Six years later, the scientists contacted the mothers to see how the children were coping. They learned that the children whose mothers who were both nurturing and firm disciplinarians were the most well adjusted. Children with warm, but firm, mothers experienced fewer symptoms of depression and generally had higher self-esteem. Children were also less likely to experiment with alcohol and other drugs when they had a parent that provided consistent discipline.

This research demonstrates that well-adjusted children are the result of consistent, loving parents, and divorced parents are very capable of providing their children with the nurturing environment they need.

Source: Huffington Post, “Can Parents Prevent their Children from Having Problems Following Divorce?,” Robert Hughes, Jr., 2/16/2011

A proactive approach can help children deal with divorce

A divorce is difficult for all involved, but when you have children still in the home it’s important to play an active role in helping them understand what is happening, why it is happening, and how it will affect them. This process is very traumatic for kids, and studies have shown that it can even affect their school performance, so you and your soon-to-be ex need to be proactive in helping them.

Parenting experts have some tips for helping children deal with divorce that we would like to share with you. First, you need to explain what is happening. Sit down with your kids, together if possible, in a quiet media-free environment. Calmly, tell them that you are going to be divorcing. Do this during a time when there will not be additional stress, such as when your child is missing out on an activity or staying up way past bedtime.

If you and your spouse must discuss the situation with your child apart from one another, collaborate beforehand to set the story straight. Even if you are bitterly angry at one another, you need to give your child the exact same story. Discrepancy will just confuse your kids and make the emotional trauma more painful.

Assure your kids that the divorce is in no way their fault, and then explain what it means for them. Be practical and answer the questions they will have, such as where they will live and when they will see the other parent. Be honest, but assure them that you love them no matter what and that they will have everything they need. Finally, do not talk negatively about your spouse, even if you feel like it. Remember, they will be your child’s parent for the rest of his or her life, so it is not your job to discredit your soon-to-be ex in front of your kids.

Experienced family law attorneys understand that both spouses’ actions leading up to and during a divorce can be considered by a Wisconsin judge when making divorce rulings on important issues, including child custody and child support. When facing a divorce, a cooperative and proactive approach is often looked upon favorably by family court judges.

Source: ABC Action News, “Parents in action: How to help your children cope with your divorce,” Angela Ardolino, 6/2/2011

Should child support awards account for growing expenses?

Child support is typically awarded to the parent who does not have primary custody of a couple’s children. Child support is supposed to represent the amount of money that will be necessary to pay for the expenses related to caring for the child. Such expenses include the cost of housing, food and clothing.

Typically, once a child support award is set, then the amount stays the same, regardless of additional expenses that arise subsequent to a divorce. Unfortunately, circumstances often change after divorce, so it is important to consider the future when determining child support arrangements.

Failing to recognize that small children will one day turn into teenagers who will require additional money to feed them and meet their financial needs can leave the child and custodial parent with inadequate funds, or in the alternative, with the child support bearing parent spending more money than was required by the court.

In many cases, parents may simply agree to divide additional expenses that were not originally contemplated, such as those for sports or tuition. When things do not go smoothly, however, one or both parents, may petition the court to attempt to modify the court order. Child support modifications can be particularly helpful when circumstances have changed such that the original award is no longer appropriate.

Things tend to get even more confusing when a parent remarries. New step-parents may not understand the terms of the child support arrangement or the way additional expenses had historically been handled between the divorced parents.

Clear communication among adults can go a long way in helping to meet the financial needs of children. Respecting that Wisconsin child support awards are necessary for the children’s welfare, and that as kids turn into teenagers they cost more, can put a child support award in its proper perspective.

Source: The Pioneer Press, “Ex-Etiquette: Discuss money issues with parents, not kids,” Jann Blackstone-Ford and Sharyl Jupe, 29 June 2011